Sunday, December 25, 2005

A knee update on Christmas morn

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This is my knee as it looked yesterday, which is the first opportunity I've had to look at it uncovered and had a camera there to document the event. Remember, I wounded it back on October 22, which is a full two months and three days ago. Since then, I've been to the hospital thrice, once to have the large central scab removed, once to have a plastic surgeon look at it and pull off some of that dead, gross-looking skin, and once to have it looked at by the same plastic surgeon who said it was coming along well. I'm supposed to go again in January, but I'm lazy and haven't made an appointment yet. This has been a long haul for one stupid night of drunkenness. You may refer back to the earlier picture in this post.

As you all well know, today is Christmas, and as is our tradition (though we don't really believe in any of the religious stuff, so we shouldn't say that we celebrate Christmas, but instead some sort of secular commercial gift-giving holiday), Cam and I got up very early, partaking in some Christmas cheer, and counted our presents. Nobody was up for quite some time so we watched the Comedy Channel. Eventually, Dad came down, apparently wakened by out loud laughter, and we later woke Mom. I got lots of presents which is cool. Later today, we're going to have Gill and Sam for dinner, and I'm sure they'll be delicious.


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Saturday, December 24, 2005

A Sexy Snake Lady

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52. Record all of the sounds you hear in the course of one hour.

This is a list of every sound I heard in the hour between 9:13 and 10:13 in the morning on December 11.

Dryer, clock ticking, Daddy breathing, sipping coffee, talking, Cameron's computer, Mommy's footsteps, running water from the tap, banging and tapping as Mommy does stuff in the kitchen, Mommy coughing, clincking of cutlery, bread box opening, Mommy talking, pencil scraping, dishwasher opening, dishes being put away, Daddy talking, my own voice, newspaper ruffling, chewing in my head, pans moving around, cutlery tinkling in the drawer, scraping of spoon in coffee cup, coffee cup banging on table, keyboard tapping, cutting of milk bag, cupboard closing, mouse clicking, cracker box crinkling, microwave beeper, opening and closing of fridge, Mommy's sigh from hot tea, fridge humming, microwave opening and closing, joint cracking in my back, Daddy singing, chairs creaking, click from stove turning on, buzz and clicking from stove element heating, butter sizzling, egg cracking, egg sizzling, Daddy's footsteps, moving dishes, toaster oven clicking, water running, tap squealing, fork scraping plate, chair scraping floor, Daddy laughing in a silly manner, toaster ding, egg squishing under the fork, plate scraping on table, toast being buttered, Daddy sighing, chewing, toast crunching on plate, Mommy sniffling and clearing throat, scratching head, crumb falling on plate, my burp, scratch of fingernail against fleece pants, stove clicking, me clearing my throat, Daddy burp, Mommy cough, knuckle banging on table, computer "on" chime, start-up noises, Daddy fart, loud stretching noise, bathroom fan, printer.


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Friday, December 23, 2005

Festivus

As introduced in this Wikepedia article, "Festivus is a nondenominational holiday featured in an episode of Seinfeld, a popular American television sitcom of the 1990s. The holiday was a plot device in episode number 166 of the show, entitled "The Strike", which first aired on December 18, 1997. Many people, influenced or inspired by Seinfeld, now celebrate the holiday, in varying degrees of seriousness. Some do it religously, others do it in good tidings in their respect to Seinfeld.

According to Seinfeld, Festivus is celebrated each year on December 23, but many people celebrate it other times, often in early December. Its slogan is "A Festivus for the rest of us!" An aluminum pole is generally used in lieu of a Christmas tree or other holiday decoration. Those attending participate in the "Airing of Grievances" which is an opportunity for all to vent their hostilities toward each other, and after a Festivus dinner, The Feats of Strength are performed. Traditionally, Festivus is not over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and "pinned." Originally a Scandinavian holiday celebrating the day before the "Present" and the "Future" filled with hope. A day to be honored much in the way "Fat Tuesday" is at the beginning of the Christian Lenten Season."

So, today is Festivus, and in the spirit of the holiday, I'm very dissapointed in all of you.


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Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Funny Bumper Stickers

I got these from Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader.

Where am I going, and why am I in this handbasket?

I love defenseless animals -- especially in a good gravy.

I'M MULTITALENTED: I CAN TALK AND ANNOY YOU AT THE SAME TIME.

Do they ever shut up on your planet?

THERAPY IS EXPENSIVE; POPPING BUBBLE WRAP IS CHEAP! YOU CHOOSE.

I brake for no apparent reason

HONK IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN AN UZI FIRED FROM A CAR WINDOW

Try not to let your mind wander -- it's too small to be out by itself

Politicians and diapers need to be changed -- often for the same reason

Who's cruel idea was it for the word LISP to have an S in it?

MY WIFE KEEPS COMPLAINING THAT I NEVER LISTEN TO HER... OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT

Caution: I drive like you do

I'll bet you a new car that I can stop faster than you can!

BOYCOTT SHAMPOO! DEMAND REAL POO!

It's time to pull over and change the air in your head

Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege.

Bad Cop, No Donut

I'M NOT A COMPLETE IDIOT -- SOME PARTS ARE MISSING

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk

On the other had, you have different fingers

QUESTION REALITY

PRESERVE NATURE: PICKLE A SQUIRREL

Four out of five voices in my head say, "Kill!"

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Why Are You Staring At My Bumper, You Pervert!


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Sunday, December 18, 2005

The nefarious lag monster

(With help from Mr. Jeremy T. Low and my mom.)

___This evil creature, scientifically known as Belua cunctans, sucks the energy out of the internet, making it especially slow for users in its immediate vicinity. Few know of the existence of these creatures, as they are very secretive and shy, and the only confirmed spotting was in a toolshed in Sweden. However, their effects are often felt.
___Lag monsters are small animals, ranging in size from one to three feet in length. They have long bodies with strong forearms and small bat wings, and their tails are over half of their entire body length. Their skin is smooth and dark orange, while their claws have a neon glow. They have short, but pointy horns, several rows of small silver razor-sharp teeth and a long forked tongue. The lag monster's most distinctive feature is its eyes, which are multi-faceted and constantly shifting hue.

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Friday, December 16, 2005

Haikus

Here are some bad haikus I wrote:

Five men eating pie
Children starve and they will cry
Weak is the system.

I am very smart
I do well in history
Napoleon rocks!

Fat is she the girl
Sitting on the bench beside
She should diet more.

Carrot my carrot
How very tasty you are
I would again bite.

The person flying
In the sky is beautiful
He is almost free.

He'brew is the beer
for folks of the Jewish faith
wishing to get drunk.


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Friday, December 09, 2005

Some more doodles

Here are the rest of my choir doodles:

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Some stuff I thought was funny.

To start us off, here are some bad physics jokes that I made up:

A girl walks into a pub and physicist sitting at the bar puts on his sunglasses. When she asks why he did that, he says, "Because you're so hot that you're emitting light in the visible spectrum!"

A physicist stands in front of his wife and says, "I may be strange to you, but I'm normal to the floor!"

Haha... those are so bad. Anyway, here are some things that my teachers said this year that I thought were pretty funny too:

"If you're a mathematician, you'll work your ass off to get out of doing work." -Brad (Calculus)

"One day there might be quantum turbo cats." -Dimitri (Programming methodology)

"All the people in the village have access to each other's private parts." -Dimitri

"Everything will run as smoothly as greased lightning." -Dimitri


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Some choir doodles

While bored at choir, I drew a lot. My most prolific designs were eyes and this twirly profile thing I liked a lot. Here they are:

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More to come once I put the rest of the doodles in one file.


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Tuesday, December 06, 2005

On the verge of finals

I discovered, this morning, my diary from grade 9. I only wrote in it for half a year maybe, proving my theory that I just can't stick with one thing for very long. These days, I'm writing in the Moleskine which Jeremy gave me, but I don't know how long it'll be until I lose interest in that too. I have no idea how many projects I've started only to leave behind. But getting back to that diary, it's really interesting to see how I've changed since I was fifteen. Amazingly, (or not so much) I have changed a lot.

Anywho, the recording went really well, besides me punching Oliver in the face, but that turned out ok too. I've finished all my assignments and I have my first final tomorrow. I'm scared shitless. I think that if I lose my scholarship by getting under 85% on my average, I'll never forgive myself. Why, you may ask, am I not studying instead of blogging? Because I'm lazy and a procrastinator, that's why.

The other thing is that the pictures I took of the flood were plagiarised. Someone lifted them off my blog, and sent them to the Part-time student newsletter people, claiming them as his own. It kind of got me pissed, but I guess that just means that I have to start copyrighting my images. It would have been fine if they'd just cited the site where they got those images, but noooo... Oh well, such is the way of the world.


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Friday, December 02, 2005

So, a turkey attacked me the other day...

A few days ago, I was taking out the trash and there was this wild turkey across the street on the neighbours' lawn, making gobbly noises, which at first sounded like the cries of a wounded dog. So, I was at the end of my driveway, and it started to come down the neighbours' driveway and run at me. Obviously, I ran away back into the garage, where both my parents were, my mother trying to take a picture of it. Dad closed the door after me, but not until it after it was only a few feet away from us because Mom was trying to take a picture. As we cowered in the house, it paced around our front lawn, eyeing the windows we were watching from. Mom managed to take this picture:

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It may sound silly, but that turkey had malice in its dull eyes and murder on its pea-sized brain. It would have killed me, given the chance. Next time I'll drop kick it.

Besides that, my life has been rather uninteresting... only in that I haven't been attacked by anything else, except for Oliver with his choir binder. That's ok though. I kicked his ass. I've been really really busy with the end of classes and such and I have this strange feeling that I won't get any work done this weekend. It was the first choir show tonight and the second one is on Sunday. Tomorrow we have a recording session and it's Josee's birthday dinner. On top of that, I have three assignments due next week and my first exam is on Wednesday. I'm seriously considering taking some sort of drug so I don't have to sleep anymore. That'd be nice.


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